I don't know about you, but sometimes I have a really hard time making a decision.  Generally, I am pretty decisive, but there are two particular cases where I really struggle with a decision.  The first case is when there is no compelling reason to make the decision right away.  The other is when the decision is complex and involves other people, particularly if the decision may have a negative impact on those people.

As I have said before, I was involved with a direct sales company that sells easy to prepare gourmet foods that are simple.  (I won't say who, but I'm sure most of you can figure it out.) My decision to join that company was more of an accident that a great deal of research.  If I had known then what I know now, I might have made a different decision.  In any case, I enjoy the business and had enjoyed a fair amount of success.  This is in spite of the fact that I really had only played with the business and treated it more like a hobby than a busienss.  (Leading me to wonder what I could have accomplished if I had really taken it seriously--but then the fact that I never could take it as seriously as I should have may have been a sign.  Subject for another blog.) 

ANYWAY, I had been debating for at least the last four months or so whether or not to stay in this company.  I was working full-time.  I was finding it increasely difficult to find the time to work the business.  I couldn't even identify free evenings to offer potential hostesses as times for parties.  By the time the Cayden was in bed and it was quiet enough to make calls it was too late.  Robin was becoming busier and busier and could not take care of Cayden to free up time for me to make calls or do parties.  If all this sounds like excuses, that is exactly what it is. 

The real bottom line is that I really didn't want to do it any more, but I didn't want to admit that.  The main reason I didn't want to admit it is that I had a team of eight women that I had brought into the business and that I also considered my friends.  I didn't want to let them down. But I reallly wasn't doing them any good anyway.  I constantly felt guilty because I didn't have time to interact with my team the way I should (although they were all doing well), I didn't have time to provide the level of customer care I should be offering, and I didn't have time to do parties.  Besides all that, I really felt the company was off the mark with their products and were not addressing the current trends with regard to health and baby boomers.  Yes, I know, more excuses. 

I continued to put off my decision.  I kept thinking that maybe circumstances would change and I could pick things up again.  However, in an unexpected turn of events, the company made the decision for me.  I got an email saying I had been deactivated.  The reasons are unimportant and have to do with what are, in my opinion, extremely rigid and antiquated rules this company insists their consultants abide by.  For the record, I thought I had taken care of the issue.  After my initial shock (and anger), I realized they had probably done me a favor.  Now the decision was no longer mine to make and, ultimately, it was for the best.  It didn't go out exactly the way I would have liked, but that's how it goes sometimes.  I found I was really quite relieved.

During the entire time that I was in this company (a little over two years), Robin had basically told me to either get off the dime and do it, or get out.  (And most of you know how he can be about that kind of thing.)  There were better opportunities and he couldn't really understand why I stayed.  I don't think I understood it myself other than it was something that belonged to me and that he was not really involved in.  Hmm...something to think about (and probably the subject of another blog!).

I have no regrets. I learned a lot about the direct sales business and I found out that even though doing this kind of business was not something I was particularly comfortable with, I could do and do it well.  I planted the seeds for this company in an area of the country where they did not have a presence and those seeds continue to grow and mutiply, even though I moved away more than a year ago. 

Now that I'm out, I'm sure Robin is thinking of all kinds of things I can work on with him and that is okay.  We are a pretty good team! (Someone has to be the voice of reason!)

Thanks for reading (and letting me vent a little!).